Demon Cleaner

"Demon Cleaner" is a song by Kyuss, a Californian band that were influential in the early nineties. The band were formed in the late1980s but split up in 1995 with members of the band dispersing and continuing their musical careers by going on to appear in bands such as Queens of the Stoneage and Slo Burn.

Demon Cleaner has generated some debate around the underlying meaning behind the lyrics - some believe that it denotes themes of alcohol abuse, a theory associated with the washing away of demons. Others look to use drugs as an explanation for similar reasons. This song touches my heart in a different way - to me the lyrics are clear in their expression:

"I've got the demons in me, I've got to brush them all away, I feel the demons rage I must clean them all away Yeah (yeah)"

This opening verse resonates on me like the fires of hell experienced as a small child when freshly awoken from a chilling nightmare. The cold sweats, the racing heartbeat, the longing to be beside your parents to collect their warmth and safety that only their time and presence in the dark night can calm. As a 26 year old adult, this translates to 10a.m. in the office.

I see him, he enters the room with a 'click,click' of the security enabled doors. Slower than most, and bringing with him a cool, spooky smell. The air changes from a room filled with the bitter sweet aroma of the morning's freshly made coffee to the bitter smell of - the cleaner. He is an elderley man, although appears younger than his age, with Greek origins. Moody.

During the period of innocence I embraced during my first few weeks at my current company, I was amazed at how welcoming the office could be - I mean what other company provides you with barista fresh coffee and a selection of breakfast options before you embark on a long day in media? I had found my home.

A inevitable consequence of this ultimate luxury however is obvious. Dishes. And unfortunately mugs too. But wait - there is a cleaner that comes in at 10a.m. to combat this situation - this place just gets better! Except for one thing. One small issue - this man resents having to move soiled crockery from one place to the next. Herein lies the fundamental problem and thus, marks the point in time where our relationship both starts and finishes. And so my story begins...

One glorious Wednesday morning, the sun was out, people in the office were buzzing as the hump in the week dawned and I had decided to treat myself to a glass of water as well as my usual caffeine based beverage. I had also decided that cereal was the way forward that morning. To make life easier for the cleaning staff, the cereal bowls are made from paper and easy to throw away and recycle. But this particular morning, something happened that diverted me away from my regular Wednesday morning routine - a meeting. In the hustle and bustle of preparation, I left my desk in a fleeting disorganised fashion, prioritising as I felt necessary. This meant leaving the remnants of my breakfast experience on my desk. To my ultimate misfortune, I failed to even throw the paper dish in the bin.

10.01a.m. and I am returning to my seat - shit. I am one nano-second behind the cleaner - this isn't a good position to be in. The conversation went something like this:

Cleaner: "What is this?"
Me: "That's my bowl"
Cleaner: "Fucking Jesus Christ"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Cleaner: "Filthy fucking fuckers"
Me: "Sorry, I had more than the usual coffee this morning"
Cleaner: "Fuck"

Now forgive me if I am speaking out of turn here but isn't that a little extreme? In response to the scenario I had just found myself in and to my colleague's hysterics as he sat next to me, witnessing the whole thing, trying not to throw up through too much amusement, I spoke again although more quietly this time:

Me: "Hang on...isn't that his job?"

Now some might think that this is out of order on my part, but I am done with trying to be politically correct in this uptight day and age we live in and tend to say things as I see them. FACT.

At this point, I was informed by my fellow co-workers that I should probably watch out as the death stares I received following this incident suggested that pre-meditated murder might be on the cards. I kindly asked Ben to move the axe he had as a secret santa present from his desk incase this encouraged the situation.

This isn't the first episode of this nature by any means, there are many, many more, including the time when he called his 7 year old Grandson by the C word before giving him permission to shake Ed's hand. This was only okayed because Ed wasn't a homosexual, I think his exact words were 'it's OK, he's not a faggott'. And so I have added one more person to my list of people who I vow I will never get on with (and there aren't many).

And so from this unique individual, I take from the experience of meeting him the determination to go about my work with a smile and kind word to my fellow co-worker (alright, that probably doesn't happen all the time, but I don't think they sit there worrying I am about to commit GBH).

Enjoy:

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