Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sex? No? See ya...

Smoking has its many disadvantages – one of them being the conversations you enter into with complete strangers whilst standing alone in the proverbial smoker’s corner. But you know me, I love this shit so in my case it's fuel for the fire!

This friends, is a tale about Memo. Memo was a relatively handsome German man with Italian heritage who was very well presented and had just flown back to Sydney from Melbourne where he had been in the process of acquiring a business. No shit – we were standing outside Establishment on George Street so he was the type.

As we were chatting about his impending triumph, my girlfriends left the bar and walked past us – “we’re going to the Ivy, come and bring your 'friend'!” I laughed off the innuendo in Fiona’s tone and continued with the intelligent conversation I seemed to have found myself in. At that point, Memo invited me inside for a drink. I toyed with the idea – coming to the ultimate conclusion that I needed to get out and meet more people so picked up my bag and followed him back inside (after taking a detour via the ladies – for a wee).

When I arrived at the bar he was standing alone which surprised me as he’d told me he had been with some friends. “They’re over there” he grunted. Now I know that Germans are the straightforward, directional type but this guy struck me as borderline pissed off. I don’t think it helped that when he was buying me a drink, a bunch of wasted English guys came over and introduced themselves – they were pretty funny though..

Nevertheless, I politely turned my back on them to resume my dialogue with Memo and set my sites on getting to the bottom of why he looked so fucking miserable. “I am tired” he said, “AND my colleague pissed me off today as he kept presenting my bits of the presentation”. No way, that sucks. Anyway, moving on…

The conversation moved on to ‘so what do you do when you’re not working on banky stuff?’ (Obviously I tried to sound a bit more educated than that).

Memo: “I listen to violin music with a glass of wine”.
Me: “…………..and………….”
Memo: “And occasionally I do some work”


What??? When this guy’s not working, he’s working. I told him he needed to get a life – in the nicest possible way of course. He seemed to open up. I even told him all about my end dreams to have a family and loving husband whilst sustaining a steady and fulfilling career – I felt it essential we moved onto me after he whipped out a CD of violin anthems. “Do you know Bach?” he said as he handed it to me. Immediate thought – since when did Bach play 'My Heart Will Go On'?

At this point I decided we should go for another cigarette - the change of scenery was enticing enough to shake the conversation up a bit. To inject some humour back into the situation as I regularly feel the need to do, I spotted a rather sweaty looking fat bloke a few metres away who happened to be wearing a strikingly similar shirt to my Deutsch friend. In a moment of comic genius, I pointed this out to Memo. It went down like a fart in a space suit. Still, I seem to get a kick out of winding people up that simply don't find ANYTHING funny. It's a challenge to me.

The final leg of this encounter was exercised back in the bar. We had moved on to talk about business aspirations - a topic we both seemingly enjoyed to the point where I felt it relevant to discuss a new business idea of my own. Memo gazed at me with a look of admiration - what a reception - my idea clearly rocked! Then I made the mistake of pausing my chat to take a breath. He moved in. He went for the lips. I retracted my attention.

Memo: "We have been talking serious for an hour now".
Me: "Have we...?"
Memo: "We can talk about how I might end up back at yours"
Me: "No we can't"
Memo: "Why not?"
Me: "Look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea but I met you an hour ago - I mean what are the chances of us exchanging phone numbers and getting to know each other?"
Memo: "We won't"
Me: "Fair enough, I'm off..."

And that was it! It was then I realised that admiration face = sex face. This guy was amazing! There was no bullshit, he simply wanted a shag and had no quarms expressing it. And I did so much to test the situation and put him off - I mean talking about marriage and the desire for offspring within 30mins of meeting someone is practically saying "I am going to stalk you and make your life a living hell" to a guy isn't it? I may as well have had 'Bunny Boiler' tattooed on my head and he still went in for the kill.

I got on the Manly ferry which I made within 5 mins of it leaving which made me happy. I remembered the last couple of hours which made me even happier. It's material like this I live for!

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